Sunset Junction of the Mind

Much like Scott, I was having intermittent flashbacks of Sunday. Low tide at the pier has washed up some surprising and revealing memories of a great day.

11am, Bloody Mary and fabulous breakfast. Every one still seems normal. Well, you know what I mean.

• 1130am, Christian drives our bus with a firm hand and a steady gait to our destination.
• Yeah, it's a crappy, lo-res camera phone! Yay! Aren't you stoked? Me too! Luckily, Gonzo took pictures using a camera that has more than 10 pixels in its repertoire.
• We're all smiles, giddy with antici-(say it)-pation...
• Arriving at our destination, strangely, it feels like the gates of Hell as we off load. Well, perhaps not so much strange is it is inconvenient. I was shvitzing like crazy.

• Oh the stores and the booths and the bar-b-que! How fabulous to shop on the surface of the sun...
• After a long day of buying all things leather and lace, we settle down for a little nosh at "GOOD". Surprisingly, it was quite "GOOD".

  

  I wish I had a picture of the uber-hottie waiter to show you, but my camera wouldn't do him justice anyway. Bubble=Butt.
• After our after our meal break (THANK YOU SEAN!), we retired to 4100 to soak up some atmosphere in the cool dark recesses of the pseudo-MoRockin' venue. If you've ever asked yourself, "What is the best thing you can do with a belly full of food and spirits?", you've undoubtedly come up with the same answer our beloved Stevie P. did - Why, how about a couple million times around the track on "The Penetrator"?
• Here he is now with runner-up Homecoming Queen, Brian Davenport.
• What fun it was for us all, save myself, screaming all the while like a *German accent* LEETEL GIRL:

• Is it just me or does Ms. Kim look like she's having a ball?
• 

• Jay, meanwhile, looks unamused.

After our extended visit on the Hurl-a-whirl (of which we almost didn't have because the crack-riddled body of the carny operating the ride lay lifeless until kicked by a fellow "amusement Attraction Operator"...just remembered that...strange...), we loaded back on the bus, and headed out to faultline.

Now keep in mind, we're from the POODLE, right? And at the poodle, you either learn how to party or you join a sewing circle. So, in my valiant effort to keep up with my peers and cohorts, I got plum schnockered. The last thing I remember were Ms. Kim's wet nipples...before the blackout. Apparently, we all blacked out because when we went to retrieve the remainder of our riders from the Fair, we LEFT MS. KIM AT THE FAULTLINE! Now how bad-ass are you if you're a) The only woman in the place, b) left there by all of your friends and c) still having a kick ass time? Pretty fucking bad ass if you ask me. We swung back by and picked her up on the way home though. It was the least we could do. Seriously, if you were on the bus ride to Fault Line, then buy back some karma for leaving her there by buying her a cocktail. Your Aura will thank you.

Couple of things. There was a water fight, of which there are high res pics, if the camera still works.

I "came to" on the bus in the midst of others who slowed down, and er...uh...stopped:

It was so funny, all I could hear was "Everybody Sleeps" from Seasame Street over and over again in my head.

Well, not EVERYBODY was sleepy on the way home...somebody was the ultimate in low altitude geishaporno stewardesses...I'll leave you to figure out whom:

This picture by the way is the subject of my caption contest. Just put yours in the comments and we'll see who wins. What do you win? My undying admiration? Not bloody likely. I'll buy a cocktail. Only on a Tuesday at the Poodle though. I know, rules suck. Scott and I will vote for the funniest caption, in the event of a tie, we will have another shot of Tuoca and recount the votes until a majority decision has been reached, or whichever one of us doesn't pass out.

Would you like a towel with your bus ride?

I know a lot of you out there are waiting with booze soaked breath for a report on the bus trip yesterday. Believe me, I have tons I want to report on.

There's only one small problem.....I can't figure out a way to accurately describe the fun filled, moist, ass cheek wagging good time that was had by all.

It's tough, you know? Most of my neurons aren't quite firing this morning like they should. Trust me, the Fruit Loop™ staff is doing our best to reconstruct the goings on but much like a black box recorder, it's going to take some time to reconstruct what we thought we saw and what we actually did see. Bits and pieces are beginning to flood back but not completely enough to actually tell a good tale.

Oddly shaped penile enhancers.....men in kilts....amusement park rides.....paper umbrellas.....water fights.....free lunch.....snow cones....puppies.....bare assed bus stewardesses.....young latin cocktail waiters dancing on a stage......starry eyed Mormons laying in the aisle....a lone lesbian in a wet t-shirt.

All these fragments are flooding my brain and I can't put them together and have them make sense.

The Fruit Loop™ staff are all trying our best but you're just going to have to sit tight for a day or so. As soon as I check with my lawyers, I'll be in touch.

Saturdays at the Poodle

Saturday is my favorite day at the poodle. Today was actually a very special Saturday. It was my favorite big breasted black girl's birthday!

All the talk today, however, did not center on black boobs, it centered on the Sunset Junction bus trip to Silverlake tomorrow.

If you're not familiar with poodle bus rides, you won't get it. A poodle bus ride cannot be described on a blog. It really just needs to be experienced.

I encourage all of you to stay tuned. The fruit loop staff is going on the bus ride (it's an all star trip), and we'll do our best to put into words the things we'll be seeing on the bus.

The "B" Team

Scourge of The Fruit Loop: The "B" Team.


So we all have “our” bar, right? No matter the city, the neighborhood, the mode, we have our particular hang-out. Our ‘Cheers’. I don’t know about you, but I could give an A-mother-one fuck if they know my name, but I sure do love walking up to any Bartender in the joint and knowing that they’ll look at me lovingly (heh heh heh) and say:

“Scotch & Water?”

And I’ll say: “Why yes, thank you” and we will be civilized folk, the kind that tell fabulous stories at fabulous parties wearing fabulous clothes.

If you’ve ever noticed when either Norm or Cliff comes into the bar, no one is EVER in their spot. They just walk in and sit down. They have the benefit of a director making sure no errant extra is in their spot. In every day society, HOWEVER, it become a dance of power and grace, where the unworthy concede the coveted “sweet spot” seat that you normally have, giving you an eagle’s eye view of the bar. This isn’t done with posturing or attitude, that won’t get you anywhere at the poodle. Not very fast, anyway. It’s Brutal for a reason.

Now take Norm & Cliff and multiply times 4. That’s 8 if you’re from Missouri. 4 Norms and 4 Cliffs, all of whom have earned their right as Fruit Loopererati. When one of us walks in, we look instinctively for the other 7 to be within the comfy confines of the loop. We are enveloped by our own ilk and make merry, as it should be, and all is right with the world.

Every great once in a while, we’re met with a Fruit Loop Blockage. A “Bizzaro Loop.” “Diet Loop.” “I can’t believe it’s not Fruit Loop.” Those individuals that have banned together to rob us regulars of our position on high, locking themselves arm in arm so as not to waiver from their makeshift gauntlet. They take bathroom breaks one at a time, smoking only two or three hits off their smoke before hurrying back to the front lines, buttressing their siege.

Those that usurp the rightful owners of The Fruit Loop, are “The B Team”. It’s not their fault. If I were on the team I’d do the same thing. I do want the formula and the patent however, that when applied exudes enough Pomp & Circumstance on its own right that catapults the seat warmer from their temporary digs.

To date, I’ve only met one person that will move EVEN my great big fat black & white ass. There’s always somebody that outranks some body else. Don’t believe me? Well, you don’t have to.




Just say hi to Beulah for me won’t you?

Dog Weddings and Pants Puppets

So last night was fairly uneventful at the poodle.

Things I learned:

1. People will actually pay good money to host a dog wedding and have it professionally done. It turns out two of my favorite people (we'll call them Whisker #1 and Whisker #2) were paid a good amount to host nuptials between two lovely basset hounds. This grand event was complete with cake, a gazebo, chairs, best man, maid of honor and doggie wedding apparel. Who knew?

2. Dockers are NEVER a good thing to wear in a gay bar. There was a fairly attractive man who obviously came straight from the office wearing pleated Dockers. That in itself isn't so bad, a lot of people need a drink after work. What was bad was the GIANT pants puppet he was sporting. Pleated business casual clothing has an annoying habit of tenting up when you're sitting down. This poor guy looked like he had a honeydew melon codpiece and it was fairly disturbing to me. I could not look, yet I could not look away.

3. The third thing I learned is that a free bottle of birthday wine is always a crowd pleaser.

At least today is scotch and water Friday!

Dial-A-Shot

One of my favorite things to do when I'm vacationing away from the Brutal Poodle™ is Dial-A-Shot.

Basically, when I'm out of town and happen by another drinking establishment (i.e. JR's in DC or Hot Lava in Orlando), I'll pick up the phone, call the Poodle and do a shot over the phone with the bartender on duty.

I didn't invent this game by any means. That honor (as far as I know) belongs to Miss Sheeya Mann herself.

BUT AS GOD IS MY WITNESS.....It is my life's ambition to spread dial-a-shot around the globe.

Honzi

Ah....Honzi. Soon I will take a picture and include his face (and the new mohawk, which only he could pull off, as I would have a fro-hawk).

Still, makes you thirsty no?

Fridays are the best days....heh heh heh...Happy Hour.

Brutal Poodle....

It's called the brutal poodle for a reason

Hi, if you're easily offended or can't take a joke....you should probably be playing bejeweled 2 over at yahoo games, because you're in for a world of hurt otherwise. Be forewarned.